I recently red an article posted on one of the parenting message boards I subscribe to. (http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html) The study was conducted by two Harvard Medical School researchers studying the effects of letting infants cry, specifically crying themselves to sleep or otherwise known as CIO or crying-it-out. It also studies the benefits of co-sleeping (babies sleeping in bed with their parents).
The researchers say that children need touch and attention and that parents not responding to cries can lead to post-traumatic stress and panic disorders in adulthood. The study shows that responding to cries and co-sleeping does not create dependence issues, but the reassurance they feel from such response and touch createds a more secure and confident person with the ability to form healthy relationships as adults.
They took a unique approach and took into account cultural differences as well. In other countries and cultures, mothers, and sometimes both parents, sleep with their babies and toddlers.
Teaching Mommy & Baby Yoga, I know a lot of moms and many of them whisper that they are co-sleeping. One of my students admitted to me that she was relieved when I asked her directly if she co-slept and she didn't feel like it was so wrong if there was a name for it and I was asking so casually as if there was nothing wrong with it.
I admit that before I became a parent and heard my sister was doing it, I was put off. But once I had my own child and she would cry EVERY SINGLE TIME I put her down anywhere but our bed, I discovered why this was the right thing to do. She had lived nine months inside of me, with me at EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. Why wouldn't she want to continue to be close, warm and SAFE? I immediately called my sister to apologize for the error in my judgement years earlier.
The truth is, there isn't anything wrong with it. Other countries and cultures have been doing it for centuries. And that's what this study is saying. I LOVE that we moms can finally take co-sleeping out of the "shame closet" and be proud! With both of my kids, I have co-slept at least part time, but my own mother has always been against it. So I would edit my conversations with her and leave details out so I didn't have to deal with the judgement.
Sadly, our society is very big on convenience and distance and I had bought into it..at least partially. Many of us do have a fear of intimacy. We pride ourselves on our independence and strength. This doesn't mean that we can't let our pink underbelly, our softer side show. If we each felt loved, completely loved and safe, we could love ourselves and each other. We would feel and show compassion for each other and create such a different society. No war, no need for arms, no more global warming.
I myself was raised without a lot of physical affection and contact. I used to go through life doing my best to be independent and invisible. Many life experiences, the hard ones, as well as very important people in my life, yoga, marriage and parenthood helped me get over my own ego and let the world in.
Now, I am a proud parent, a yoga teacher--both very public and both very intimate and exposed. I put my heart and soul into everything I do as an adult. And it's not because I got that much needed touch as an infant, but because I had to overcome that and struggle through life and discover that little girl and love her myself in order to become this Michelle.
I've made a lot of people uncomfortable with the more touchy-feely, open Michelle, (mostly family) but I've also found many more like-minded, spirited people, my husband and children included. My children, my daughter--the first, so she paved the way--demanded to be raised a certain way and led me to become a more prominent mom and person in the community. With a super outgoing personality, she helped me "get over myself" and the distance I was putting between myself and others.
We can learn so much from our children. My children taught me exactly how they wanted to be raised--with love, affection, ahimsa, honesty and integrity, sprinkled with boundaries and discipline. I scoop my kids up and hug them when they are crying. They sleep in bed with us when they want or need to. And anyone who meets our children tells us what good, nice, caring, beautiful and wonderful people they are. I celebrate life through their eyes--everything is great, everyone is nice, people are good and kind and I'm so happy to be here right now.
0 comments:
Post a Comment