Recently, a woman was shamed into leaving Applebee's restaurant for nursing her baby at her table. Before that, a mother was escorted out of Toys R Us and, somewhere in between, a mother was asked to leave an airplane. I just saw a clip from Bill Maher's show where he says that women nurse in public to get attention and they should plan ahead. I cannot believe this comment by what seems to be an educated person. He says that nursing is an intimate act (suggesting sexuality) and he doesn't want to see that while he's eating. He says that masturbation is intimate and natural, but he doesn't do that in Applebee's either.
Maher's comments are exactly why there has to be a law to allow women to breastfeed wherever they are. There is no planning ahead for a baby who needs to nurse. Just as an adult might spend an entire day away from home and needs to stop for a bite to eat, so does a baby and more often. I have a nursing toddler and I'm thrilled that I have the option of giving him milk if we aren't near somewhere to get him a healthy snack. Breast milk sure beats French fries any day!
But this is the attitude that women in the country have to deal with. Maher actually mentions that it's narcissism in this country that has created this law to allow women to breastfeed wherever so they can say, "Look I made a baby" implying that in other countries women aren't like this. I think Bill hasn't travelled much, because in most other countries, women breastfeed anywhere they want and it's not a big deal. In Europe, women breastfeed longer as well. They don't have an uptight society telling them that they should wean because it's making others uncomfortable.
I grew up in the '80's when Stripes, Bachelor Party, and Porky's 1, 2 and 3 were the big movies. Breasts have been sexualized for as far back as I can remember. I applaud HBO for showing full frontal male nudity, because at least women aren't the only ones anymore. But I have to dispel this myth that breastfeeding is some kind of sexual act that should be done in private. Is it intimate? It is extremely wonderful and can be very intimate for a mother to know she is nourishing her baby. When a mother is feeding her baby the perfect, most nutritious and digestible food for her baby, sharing antibodies, building her immunity, helping him become a strong, healthy human being, she can feel an enormous swell of love. Intimate--yes, but not in a sexual way.
For me, nursing my baby is just something I do. My son is nearly 18 months and I am happy to give him the strong nutritional foundation his little body needs. Does it make me uncomfortable to nurse him in public? Well only when misguided, opinionated onlookers make it something it's not.
Once I started nursing my children, my breasts had no sexual value to me whatsoever and that goes for most women. Suddenly, a light goes off in your head and it's like, "Oh, this is what they're for!" In the same breath, I do not want my nipple to pop out in public while I'm breastfeeding, but on a very rare occasion, only if an onlooker is watching very carefully and close by, there might be a glimpse. In 99% of occasions, more breast can be seen on Jennifer Tilly on Celebrity Poker Showdown.
Cover up with Applebee's "privacy blankets"? Well most babies don't want to be covered up while they eat. Would you? I tried this with both my babies and neither accepted this. It's hot and dark under a blanket. They are people and want to engage with other people. At the very least, they want to see mom while nursing. Babies communicate mostly on a body level as infants and if they can't see you and you can't see them, they cannot let you know if they are okay or need something.
There are numerous cover-ups on the market for nursing babies, some I actually think are great. For the most part, they aren't necessary unless a mom is very body conscious herself, not too confident that she can be discreet or just doesn't want to deal with society. Why should moms be embarrassed or shamed to do what the American Medical Association, World Health Organization and the American Pediatric Association say all women should do for at least the first year of a baby's life? Sorry, society, if that makes you uncomfortable, but I love my kids and with both, I committed to nursing both a minimum of a year and assessed it every few months after that to see if it still made sense for us to continue.
I will admit that before I had my own children, the idea of nursing older toddlers made me a little uncomfortable. I knew people who had preschoolers and were still nursing. I wondered why they didn't pump instead. Well now I know the truth about pumping and how unresponsive the human body is to produce milk for a machine. (Hey cows, now I know why factory farmers are pumping you full of hormones.) I also didn't know that nursing a child over age two is something that happens here and there, maybe just at night or nap time. No big deal and it's not hurting anyone.
In my Mama & Shanti Baby Yoga class, it can sometimes seem like a nurse-in. I didn't realize the safe haven I was giving to my students until one said that she loved coming because she had a place where she felt comfortable nursing her son. In my class, we celebrate the bond between mother and baby. We smile at nursing babies and laugh at how they all want to join in once the smell of mother's milk hits the air. Bill Maher, breastfeeding is a beautiful, natural thing to do. And if you believe every animal/living creature has a right to humane treatment and compassion, back off the babies and pick on someone your own size.
2 comments:
It's true. I am more self-conscious when I have to nurse in public. My baby doesn't want to be covered when he nurses, but there are people around that give you funny looks. Luckily I haven't been asked to leave any restaurant.
Bill Maher -- while funny at times -- is often a woman-hating, mysoginistic homophobe. That being said, I'm not surprised he would make such a piggish comment.
The problem with American society is that the breast has been so sexualized that no one can look at it for anything other than something involved in sexual activity. It's really sad. Society at large is at once hyper-sexual and Puritanical. It boggles the mind.
-Christy
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