Being a yogi is a journey, like anything else. None of us are perfect, and therein lies the perfection of humanity. So why is it so hard to forgive some people in our lives? I'm not sure if I can answer that question in a blog, but for me, I sometimes feel that the parts of myself that I don't like or have trouble "forgiving" are the same parts of other people that I have trouble forgiving. Or maybe it's a fear of letting go of the anger or fear of forgetting the wrong that was done. I know in my life that fear is something I am finding easier to release these days, but I still struggle with forgiveness. I'm not even sure I understand what it means to forgive.
The definition of forgive is:
1. to pardon absolve.
2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.)
3. to grant pardon to (a person)
So is that the problem? Is it that the definition itself basically says that we absolve the person of responsibility or guilt? The whole thought of forgiveness and my unsettled feelings about it caused me to reflect deeper on it.
In yoga philosophy, we have Ahimsa - non-violence, non-injury, harmlessness. Ahimsa is not merely non-killing. In its truest form it is to abstain from even the slightest harm to any living creature, through deed, mentally, or verbally. This includes abstaining from harming of yourself. By injuring others you injure your own self and/or God's creation. In order to practice Ahimsa, one must have patience, forgiveness, and self-control. (There's that forgiveness again!) In practicing Ahimsa, ideally, one should be able to withstand insults, rebukes, and verbal assaults. One who practices Ahimsa abstains from retaliation, ill will or harm to anyone.
If we all practiced Ahimsa, it's as if any attacks on us or wrong-doings just roll off. Like forgiveness just repels the wrong and all is well with the universe. Can that be so? Can we, as humans, actually attain such a wonderful concept?
Growing up, I always heard that if you forgive someone, you are actually forgiving yourself. If you hold on to anger, you are harming yourself, so forgiveness helps you let go of the anger, the pain and the wrong itself. It sounds lovely, but I think some of us choose to hold it so we don't forget. Or maybe we use our non-forgiveness as a shield to protect ourselves from other similar or same wrongs. Or perhaps holding on to that anger or wrong is letting it fester inside and keeping that ugliness with us. If we let it go, we are free.
There is a meditation in Buddhism and also used in yoga called a metta meditation. This is a loving kindness meditation where we focus on love and share it with ourselves, our loved ones, neighbors and even enemies, as well as the entire universe. This is what forgiveness is all about! If we can send love and kindness to our enemies, we are free. When we can recognize the humanity, the perfection of our souls mirroring each other and connected to each other in this world, forgiveness can be as easy as saying "Bless you," when someone sneezes. It's not easy, even for a yogi or yogini. But when I open my eyes to the big picture that we are all walking this Earth together, on our own paths and journeys and bumping into each other or walking together for a while, it makes forgiveness much less scary.
Start small. Meditate on yourself and see what lies within your heart that you haven't forgiven about yourself. Whether it's those extra few pounds you've been carrying, or that cake you just ate, or the driver you just flipped the bird, forgive yourself for your actions and reactions. It is all part of the various sides and shades of you and at your deepest, purest self, you are not only okay, you are perfect.
So is that the problem? Is it that the definition itself basically says that we absolve the person of responsibility or guilt? The whole thought of forgiveness and my unsettled feelings about it caused me to reflect deeper on it.
In yoga philosophy, we have Ahimsa - non-violence, non-injury, harmlessness. Ahimsa is not merely non-killing. In its truest form it is to abstain from even the slightest harm to any living creature, through deed, mentally, or verbally. This includes abstaining from harming of yourself. By injuring others you injure your own self and/or God's creation. In order to practice Ahimsa, one must have patience, forgiveness, and self-control. (There's that forgiveness again!) In practicing Ahimsa, ideally, one should be able to withstand insults, rebukes, and verbal assaults. One who practices Ahimsa abstains from retaliation, ill will or harm to anyone.
If we all practiced Ahimsa, it's as if any attacks on us or wrong-doings just roll off. Like forgiveness just repels the wrong and all is well with the universe. Can that be so? Can we, as humans, actually attain such a wonderful concept?
Growing up, I always heard that if you forgive someone, you are actually forgiving yourself. If you hold on to anger, you are harming yourself, so forgiveness helps you let go of the anger, the pain and the wrong itself. It sounds lovely, but I think some of us choose to hold it so we don't forget. Or maybe we use our non-forgiveness as a shield to protect ourselves from other similar or same wrongs. Or perhaps holding on to that anger or wrong is letting it fester inside and keeping that ugliness with us. If we let it go, we are free.
There is a meditation in Buddhism and also used in yoga called a metta meditation. This is a loving kindness meditation where we focus on love and share it with ourselves, our loved ones, neighbors and even enemies, as well as the entire universe. This is what forgiveness is all about! If we can send love and kindness to our enemies, we are free. When we can recognize the humanity, the perfection of our souls mirroring each other and connected to each other in this world, forgiveness can be as easy as saying "Bless you," when someone sneezes. It's not easy, even for a yogi or yogini. But when I open my eyes to the big picture that we are all walking this Earth together, on our own paths and journeys and bumping into each other or walking together for a while, it makes forgiveness much less scary.
Start small. Meditate on yourself and see what lies within your heart that you haven't forgiven about yourself. Whether it's those extra few pounds you've been carrying, or that cake you just ate, or the driver you just flipped the bird, forgive yourself for your actions and reactions. It is all part of the various sides and shades of you and at your deepest, purest self, you are not only okay, you are perfect.
2 comments:
A beautiful post that we could all listen to again and again, I'm sure. I know I find forgetting easier than forgiving most of the time. Probably not the best policy!
Thank you for this!
I agree. I am an angry person. The scary part of forgivenessis letting that anger go. What would I fill in that empty hole? I know the answer is love, but It's hard to turn hate into love. As yoda said, "Fear becomes anger. Anger becomes hate. Hate leads to destruction." That is self destruction in my case.
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